The History of Twin Bayous – Hello, My Name Is…

Season Eight of The History of Twin Bayous begins now…

(Please note: Some of the dialog in this episode was lifted word for word from one of the best known movies ever made.  Once I got started down that road,  I could not help myself. My apologies to the Epstein brothers.)

Hello, my name is Dobbs James Dobbs. I am a private eye, I carry badge…

…and this is the city, Twin Bayous, Louie-sim-ana.

More on that later, but first some of you are probably wondering what I am doing back here Twin Bayous. And I am sure all you are probably wondering where Jamie is.

Jamie is back in France. I left her there, but don’t worry, she’s okay.

It all started with the nectar. We both had way too much to drink.

When I drink, I get neurotic. When I get neurotic, I freak out and that night I started freaking out about leaving Pangu’s Axe back in Twin Bayous…

…and how I was not going to be able to finish the trials and quests imposed on me by the ghost of Morgan LeFey.

Then I noticed that Jamie didn’t seem to be the least bit concerned about it. That is when she broke down and confessed that the whole thing was an elaborate ruse.

She told me that the grimoire wasn’t actually missing. She told me that she had given the magical book to the ghost of Gregg Gentille in exchange for the dusty old lamp.

Then once she became a real girl again, she needed me to get her out of town.

She and the genie made up the whole curse of Morgan LeFey bit so I would leave town with her. She didn’t want to stay in Twin Bayous. Too much had changed in the nearly forty years since she had been murdered.

She said that the whole thing had been planned. Everything she said, except for the fact that she had fallen for me in a big way.

I told her that the feeling was mutual, but that didn’t mean that I forgave her for making a chump out of me. She explained that getting me out of Twin Bayous was for my own good. After all I had broken into some one’s house, stolen their stuff, including the houseboat. She was right, I was a fugitive, I was wanted by the law.

But I told her that I was going back to Twin Bayous anyway and that I had a score to settle.

The only problem was; is that could I not remember much of anything that happened before I went crazy. I, of course, remember coming in to town from Angel City and I remember meeting the sheriff and his daughter, but then the rest is all a blur and I only vaguely remember going into the Dutranoy’s house and stealing the grimoire, the urn, and all the other stuff.

I told her that she would be happier in France. I told her that last night we said a great many things. I told her that she said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I had done a lot of it since then, and it all added up to one thing: I was getting on that boat and I was going back to Twins Bayous.

She started to cry.

But then I told her: Now, you’ve got to listen to me! Did she have any idea what she’d have to look forward to if she left here? Nine chances out of ten, we’d both wind up in jail.

I told her that I was saying it because it’s true. Inside of us, we both knew she belonged here in France. If that boat left the port and she was on it, she would regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of her life.

She asked: But what about us?

Then I said: We’ll always have China. What we didn’t have, we, we lost it until we came to France. We got it back last night. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where I’m going, you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of. Jamie, I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of two little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you’ll understand that.

Then I got on the boat and I sailed back to Twin Bayous.

So, here I am now and I’m writing Jamie an email to tell her that I arrived safe. I am also telling her that I am sorry that I sailed off with her suitcase and all of her clothes and stuff. I am telling her that that since I gave her all of the money that she should be able to buy some nice things. I am also telling her that I took her laptop and I don’t know how she was going to be able to read this email. Maybe I should try calling her and seeing how she’s doing…



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