This History of Twin Bayous: Gather Ye Rosebuds

Hi, y’all! Lori Clemens here again with more news on what happened this past Gathering week. It was late Monday afternoon when Moo and I got to the hospital. They wouldn’t let us in because they said we were too noisy. We said that we were here to meet Mel and they said that they didn’t know anybody by that name.

Like a couple of idiots, we waited at the hospital for Mel until it got dark. Moo and I tried calling her like a thousand times, but she had her phone off. Meanwhile, Mel had actually gone home with her mom.

It turns out that her Mom’s labor wasn’t fake and she had the baby in the hallway on the second floor at the top of the stairs.

Mel feed her new baby brother. What did they name him? Darvish? Damech? I don’t know.

After feeding and changing, she took the baby up to its new room in the attic and put it to bed.

Then she rushed back to the school and made it home just in time for curfew. Lady Wendy is pretty strict about curfew and if she catches you, it’s 20 demerits.

A bunch of kids were in the dining room having a midnight snack of mac-n-cheese and Mel joined them.

Everybody was watching Moo eat. She is such a slob.

Mel, Moo and Harmony were intentionally ignoring Jack Ringwald-Clemens because of what he did to me the other day. He had asked me to go steady, I told him maybe, and then he goes out with that churchie townie, Dawn Gentille.

Harmony said to the other girls: “Hey, did’ja hear that Jimmy Dobbs is woohooing that horrible townie, Dawn Gentille?”

Harmony normally doesn’t say mean stuff like this, but I guess she is starting to come around.

Anyway, when Jack heard that he did not say a word. He just slow-burned and stared straight ahead. We didn’t know it then, but he was thinking of killing Jimmy Dobbs.

After they ate, Mel and Harmony could not sleep, so they went outside and tossed around a softball.

After a little bit, Harmony said to Mel that she was going inside and Mel said: “Bye, loser! Smell you later!” Mel is so mean to her sister. If Harmony were my sister, I would want to help her.

Mel said that after Harmony left, she was thinking about sneaking over to the Red Velvet Lounge down the street.

When suddenly above her head there appeared some strange looking colored lights which were accompanied by some very weird noises.

Mel was staring up in the sky at the lights when suddenly a glowing spacecraft appeared about thirty feet above her head.

Then a beam of energy shot down at her from the alien spacecraft.

If it had been me, I would have been screaming, but not Mel, she always takes shit and dishes it right back.

Mel doesn’t remember how long she was gone, or where she went, or even what the aliens said or did to her.

I asked if she had woohoo with the aliens and she told me that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

Mel said that she did think that she had been gone much longer than she actually was gone. Because when they put her down, she thought that she had been gone for many hours, it was still dark and she could see that the bar down the street was still open.

She said the alien that dropped her off on the sidewalk, did not say a word to her. Mel suddenly felt very sleepy.

She went inside the mansion.

She went upstairs to the room that she shares with Harmony and then she went to sleep.

It was after she had fallen asleep that Mel underwent some sort of weird transformation.

Her skin turned green and her hair became leaves.

When she woke up, she went to the mirror to see what was going on with her skin and her hair. Mel was now a Plantsim.

Typical Mel, she spent more than a few minutes in front of the mirror admiring her new look.

She says that she liked what she saw. She prides herself with being different and now she was really different.

I was sleeping downstairs on the back porch. There are not enough beds at the school. So, it was my turn in the sleeping bag.

Mel came down and woke me.

She was getting flowers all over the place and at first, that was the only thing that I noticed. I said: “Mel, what the heck! You’re getting flowers all over the place.”

Then when I saw how she was “dressed”, I flipped out. I was gasping for air, like I couldn’t breathe.

I thought that maybe I was going to pass out and I wanted to make sure the whole world knew that I was having a situation.

Mel said: “Lori, quit acting. You are such a drama queen. I need your help.”

I said: “Sure. Whatta you need?”

Mel said: “First give me a hug.”

Which I did and then I asked: “Mmmm, do I smell honey suckles?”

Mel said that she felt dry and that she needed a good watering. I said: “I know just the thing… Water Balloon Fight!”

So, we went out the backdoor.

We always keep a stash of water balloons ready at hand for occasions such as this. We lined up opposite one another in the backyard.

Mel has had plenty of practice tossing around the softball, so when she throws a water balloon at you had better be prepared to duck or dance out of the way.

I was more preoccupied with how I looked with my new wings, in case any of the boys were looking out the windows.

I forgot to duck or dance and as a result Mel’s first water balloon knocked me square on my ass.

I was pretty sure that the idea was for Mel to get her leaves watered and here I was the one who was taking a bath in the backyard.

But typical-Mel, this was a competition and she meant business.

I think she hit me more times than I even came close to hitting her.

Once or twice, I did manage to make contact.

It was fun and we were laughing our asses off.

Moo was upstairs doing some work for Lady Wendy and with her super hearing she could hear all our noise from the third floor.

She changed her clothes and hurried down the stairs.

Now it was two against one and Mel was beating the both of us badly.

It was only when it started to rain, that Mel finally got the watering that she needed.

Normally Moo would be crying about the rain. She’d be all like: “I’m melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world!” But, no, she was actually having fun.

Playing out there in the rain with my two friends, I was happiest that I have ever been in my entire life. (And I’ll bet that you thought that I was going to say something dumb.)


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