The History of Twin Bayous: The End is Nearer Still
Hey y’all Lori Clemens here… Wow! Just Wow!… So many things have been going on. Where to start? Oh, yeah! Moo had been complaining to me that ever since this vampire chick, Karri Clemens, had come into town that her boyfriend, Jimmy had been really acting weird.
Someone told Moo that she saw Jimmy and Karri upstairs at the coffee shop having a conversation.
I could not hear what they were saying, so I made up stuff using a process called “inference”.
I had recently used that same technique when I guessed that Donna Gentille was pregnant after I saw her get sick in the girl’s room at Festival Park after she ate a big thing of cotton candy. (FYI – Now I am starting to think that I got that rumor wrong.)
I didn’t really tell her anything that would get Jimmy in trouble. I just remarked that Jimmy seemed to be awfully inquisitive about Karri and her vampire lifestyle.
No matter how hard I tried I could not shake Moo. She gave me a classic Moo-smirk and announced that she and Jimmy were doing just fine and she ended with “Thank you, very much.”
Maybe I was just being jealous because I was having trouble getting a romance going between me and Moo’s brother, Dweezil.
I have never met anyone in my life so serious about everything… Oh, yeah! I met Dweezil Stoney-Clemens, duh! Show me the rule that says that people aren’t supposed to kiss in public!
Am I starting to ramble? I am… Here’s what happened. Moo and I had this really groovy idea that we and the boys would have Spooky Day picnic in the park. We got the idea of picnic because ever since I had that magical encounter with the kooky totem pole that one morning, the weather this Autumn has been unseasonable warm.
What started out as a really nice time took a different turn when Jimmy and Moo decide to engage Dweezil in a deep conversation. I think Jimmy started by asking something about the Grimoire – the magical book from which Wendy teaches our lessons.
I didn’t know it, but I guess Dweezil was the only one in the school that Lady Wendy trusted with the location of where she keeps the book.
The question that Jimmy asked about the secret of where his mother kept the book, suddenly turned into a deep philosophical discussion about the secrets that lay hidden within the contents of the book.
But when I asked about the secret of why hot dogs taste so good with orange soda, the three of them looked at me like I was stupid or something.
Then when Dweezil gave that me that shitty condescending look of his, I asked: “And please tell me Master Dweezil the secret of why you are such a butthead.”
He didn’t say anything. I guess it was because he could tell that I was really, really angry and I was trying really, really hard to keep from crying.
No one said anything while my super fairy stare was burning holes in the back of Dweezil’s head.
Then I stood up and I told Dweezil that I would like to talk to him on the other side of the pond.
When were alone, he started to mumble something about being sorry and I told him not to say anything.
I told him that I had a gift for him…
…and I flung a handful of fairy dust in his face.
He actually smiled and said “Wowie!”
Then he began to glow in a really cute shade of pink.
That’s when I kissed him…
…and that’s when he made up this stupid rule about no kissing in public.
Then he turned and walked away.
Now I actually did feel really stupid – stupid for having fallen in love with Moo’s stupid brother.
I went and told Jimmy and Moo that I was leaving and going back to the school. Moo told me not to go. She said she wanted to talk to her brother and find out what his problem was. Then Jimmy stepped up and said “Hang on. Let me talk to Dwee.”
I said okay and I thought Jimmy was just going to talk to him.
If I had known that Jimmy was going to go and ninja Dweezil with a love charm, I would have told him not to do that.
But that is what Jimmy did and Dweezil swears up and down the charm did not change the feelings that he already felt towards me.
He said the charm just made it easier for him to express his feelings.
Suddenly he was no longer being mister butthead and he was actually smiling for a change. So, I guess I was cool with what Jimmy did.
Before anybody said it, Dweezil suggested that we “get a room.”
In fact, Moo suggested the same thing to Jimmy.
But while we were discussing where we all might go – the movies, the stadium at the high school, or something really crazy like the only motel in town – strange and weird things started to happen.
A zombie chick came up out of the ground.
Dweezil and I were completely oblivious to what was going on.
Lost in our own little world and while we waited for Jimmy and Moo to make up their minds, Dweezil and I sat down on the wet grass to watch the sunset over the mountains. I think I might have heard Jimmy say something like “Uh, guys?!!? There’s this zombie here. What do you think we should do about it?”
It was later said by Moo that this zombie looked a lot like Moo’s and Dweezil’s ancestor, Morgan LeFey, but unfortunately, at the moment, Moo couldn’t tell Jimmy what to do because she had been suddenly turned into a zombie on the other side of the pond.
And Dwee and I were… like I said… lost in our own little world.
I guess Jimmy must have figured it out because I hear tell he used a fire blast on the zombied-Morgan LeFey chick.
And then the zombie chick or someone did something really awful because Jimmy just suddenly vanished in a bright flash of white light.