THOTB-10.1

The History of Twin Bayous: Season 10 Premiere

Moo was really pissed at me when I suddenly blurted out that me and Mel thought we knew where Jimmy was.

We were chilling in her apartment and this was only moments after she had just confessed to us that she thinks that she is in love with this Nick Knacker-guy that we had met only twenty minutes ago, before he left for work.

Oops! I meant to say: “Mel and I thought we knew where Jimmy was.”

Wait a sec! Double-Oops! I am getting way ahead of the story here! This is probably going to confuse a lot of people, but I am guessing that…

…I should rewind my “DearDiary” and start back at the beginning. Well, I don’t mean exactly at the beginning. I want to go way, way back to before the beginning.

That is to just after the end of season nine. If that doesn’t make any sense now, I can promise that it will later.

I will start here instead… DearDiary, this is Lori Clemens once again and I am talking to you because everyone else is being a big bunch of buttheads. They are all busy watching a 70s TV show or doing boring theoretical metaphysical-stuff.

This is going to sound crazy but I am not sure where we are or even what day it is right now. Moo tells me that the year is 1974 and Dweezil says that we are in some kind of “limbo-like interdimensional space”. Whatever the heck that means. If it doesn’t mix magick with romance, then I don’t get it.

I will tell you where I think we are. I think we are in a smelly motel, in a place where the sun never shines. As far as Moo, is concerned, she would not know the difference between day and night or what month it is. For a few days now, she has done nothing but watch television.

However, this is not regular television. What she is watching in some kind of a live feed of a time and place that existed in the past. Dweezil says this is happening “live and now” but it is in the past and we can’t do anything about it. We can’t change anything.

What Moo is binge-watching is a show that I have taken to call “My Mother Was a Teenage Girl”. Only it’s not a show, it’s IRL and only it’s not my mother, it’s her mother. Yawn!

She said that she has just learned that her mother had a boyfriend before she and her father hooked-up. Oh, My! That is nothing… my mother intentionally strung along a whole harem of boyfriends – or at least that is how she tells it.

Moo also says that she thinks that her mother might be insane. She says that her mother hangs out on the side-walk every afternoon and rants and raves at some invisible so-and-so.

At this point, you might be wondering why we are here in 1974. We have all gone back in time because of a book that I found, but Moo insisted that we stop off in 1974 to see what our parents were like when they were teens.

I am not interested in watching this show. I already know what my mom was like – Miss Perfect Smile. Miss Perfect Hair.

And my grandmother… Don’t get me started about her: Miss I’m-so-cool-that- butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-my-mouth. They both make me want to gag.

In all fairness, we are not waiting here entirely because of Moo wanting to stop off in 1974. We are partly waiting here while Dweezil and my brother, Dmitri, put their pointy geek heads together and try and figure out where we are headed next.

I did my part… I found the book. Did I tell you about how I found the book?

Wait? What? Oh no, not that book. Not the Grimoire. No, I found a book titled “The Ancient History of Twin Bayous“. I found it just moments after Lady Wendy disappeared. Oh, now I am getting way, way ahead of myself!

I already told you about Jimmy’s disappearance.

I did tell you about Jimmy’s disappearance. Didn’t I? I am sure that I did. Moo has not been the same since Jimmy disappeared. I am worried.

It was right after that happened we all went back to the school to tell Lady Wendy what happened. But when we got there, Lady Wendy was in a rage because she could not find her book, the Grimoire of Morgan LeFey.

She was shouting and screaming. Waving her arms about in a deadly fashion. I actually jumped and ducked when she pointed her magic hands at me.

Then she disappeared in a blinding flash of light, but as she was leaving we all heard her exclaim “I know exactly where I can find the Book!”

Suddenly the weather changed and the Spring-like weather was replaced by a more normal autumn chill.

I put on my Hawkgirl outfit and went from room to room telling everyone. “It’s Spooky-day time! “It’s Spooky-day time! I love Spooky-day time!”.

Even Dweezil forced a smile, but there was no cheering Moo. This was the start of a slow steady decline for my BFF Moon-unit Clemens. It would be billions of years before she would smile again.

It was not too long after that Mr. Dobbs and Miss Jamie came back from Twin Bayous. And guess where the book was? Miss Jamie took it, she said: “for safe-keeping”.

That is when Dweezil piped up and asked Miss Jamie how did she know where the book was stored.

Miss Jamie then told of how she discovered that there was a secretly hidden doorway behind one of the bookcases in the library…

…and she told of how that doorway led to stairs that went down two stories under the ground to a sub-basement where Lady Wendy kept not only the book but a magic mirror.

Looking over at my new boyfriend, I could see that Mister Smarty-Pants Dweezil was dejected because up until now he thought that he was the only other person in the whole world who knew about the bookcase and where Lady Wendy hid the Grimoire when she was not having us learn our lessons from its mystical and sacred contents.

Triple-Oops! Now, I can’t stay awake!

Deardiary, remind me in the morning to tell you about the book that I found…

“Okay, what time do want me to remind you to ‘tell about the book that I found’?”

I don’t know… “afternoon”… I am surely not going to wake before then.

“Okay, I will remind you to ‘tell about the book that I found’ after 12 PM tomorrow.”

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